No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
