remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
