Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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