Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
