Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
