It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
