She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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