He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize