Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
