don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
