Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
