last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
