my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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