My liver just broke up with me...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize