Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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