the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
