I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
