I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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