omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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