true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
