Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
