Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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