dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
