So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
