i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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