i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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