just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
