Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
