She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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