Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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