There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
