Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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