I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
