i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
