Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize