Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
