Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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