She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
