Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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