I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
