and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
