if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
