we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
