Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
