I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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