it was like his penis was on wheels.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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