Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
