If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize