OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
