Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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