I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
