I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Enjoy the penises
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
