There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
