Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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