there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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