and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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