I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
