Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And then he peed in my hair
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