I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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