Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
