It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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