i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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