we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
