Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
