everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
