I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
