my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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