I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
