He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
