Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
