he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
