so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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