Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
