my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
