a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
