After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
