U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
