He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
