so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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