stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize