im six kinds of drunk right now
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
