just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
