oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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