12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
