We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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