Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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