Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
