96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
