don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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