I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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