what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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