Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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