fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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