DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
