You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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