haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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