I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
