Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
