they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
