i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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