i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
