Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
