Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Still dying that you shit outside
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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