I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize