Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
